I didn't know that senryu were supposed to be more than one stanza :S
My apologies. I have added two more stanzas.
くもみえる
パリそらくらい
こころきく
くろいふく
たばこのけむり
とおいおと
でもまちで
トラブルがない
こころきく
The poem is basically about my love with being in Paris, with its attitude, people, and look. I've never been able to translate "trouble" into even my native language, Spanish, so I was glad that the Japanese use katakana for it. "Tabako" has always perplexed me because it's written in hiragana, which underscores the language's historical influences.
“clouds appear
the sky in paris is dark
i listen to my heart
black clothes
cigarette smoke
distant sounds
but in this city
there are no troubles (for me)
i listen to my heart”
日本語のTAのアーントです。 My first comment would be that you need a couple more poems. You used the katanaka for the foreign city name in this poem - if you were expanding this topic for some more lines, how would you use カタカナ? パリそら would be パリのそら。Is seeing the clouds affecting your heart? How does this poem continue? And how could the usage of カタカナ be used for emphasis?
ReplyDeleteI quite agree with the above comment. It seems to me that this poem is not that successful to convey the meaning to me; moreover what's the effect of using katagana in your poem? what's your intention of using it?
ReplyDeleteDiego-san, I also love Paris! I will say that I think it would be helpful to provide an English translation, since I had some trouble following. What is きく, for instance? I liked the use of katakana for "trouble." the way it stands out and deviates from the hiragana lends an air of mischief to the word itself :). also, i love this calligraphy style font you're using. where did you find it?
ReplyDeleteDiego san, わたしはパリスがいちばんすきです！
ReplyDeleteIl va faire bientot 2 ans depuis que j'ai visite Paris pour la premiere fois. C'etait en hiver et il pleuvait mais j'ai tellement aime! Je donnerai nimporte quoi pour y retourner! :)
Tu vis a Paris?
Le Japonais s'est amusant. En plus la langue japonaise elle meme est tellement mignonne! Je suis totallement eprise de cette langue! haha.
Ta langue natale c'est l'espagnol je suppose? :) Parles-tu couramment francais?
Courage pour le reste du semestre!
Lauren san: thanks! I put up a translation now, sorry about that ^^ I loved the way you described the use of "trouble", that is such a good take on it. "kiku" is the informal version of "kikimasu" (listen) and I purposefully omitted the particle after "kokoro" so as to leave the ambiguity if the heart is doing the listening or if the heart is what is being listened to. I'm not sure what the font is :/ I found it on Word for Mac at the language lab.
ReplyDeleteAmerik3n: d'abord excuse-moi de t'appeler comme ça, mais je sais pas ton nom :P ouiiii paris est sans pareil. il fait déjà un peu plus de 2 ans pour moi aussi ahah. je veux faire mes études là et peut être un jour j'y déménagerai. non, je viens de la colombie, mais j'ai vécu au texas pendant les derniers 10 ans. ahaha ouais, le japonais cesse pas de me fasciner quoi. c'est tellement particulier. oui, c'est l'espagnol, toujours ma langue préférée. je le parle plutôt couramment, grâce à des amis en france mais il me faut toujours le pratiquer, donc merci ^^ à toi aussi!
The second paragraph is the scene you see in distant Paris?? or in your heart?
ReplyDelete「たばこ」はおもしろいですね。かきかたはひらがなでですね。 As I told you in class I was confused about the word because it appeared in our textbook and I thought it was a typo. It's one of those few loan words that has escaped the clutches of katakana.
ReplyDeleteMa langue natale c'est l'anglais (lol). Je ne parle pas le français très bien, mais j'adore la langue. J'espère que je peut l'apprendre bientôt!